I don't even cook anymore

I had a good day today.  I think I need to make more of a conscious effort to incorporate more veggies in my meals.  One challenge that I have is the fact that I am so busy at work that I rarely prepare my own meals.  I typically have breakfast, lunch, and snacks at work.  Dinner is usually something I grab on the way home.  Tonight I had pollo tropical for dinner.  It's really convenient for me and reasonable points-wise.  But I really wish I had more time to make my own meals!

Total for the day: 33
Weekly Bonus Points Used: 2
Bonus points remaining for the week: 26

She fancy.

I went over my points today, but I did not feel guilty about it at all...(well maybe a little)

I knew I'd be attending a work event in the evening, so  I had a large salad for lunch, just to prep for whatever the work event would throw at me.  I managed to avoid the bread but "splurged" on a meatball and a glass of zinfandel.  I spent the rest of my points on salad, salmon and wild rice, and an awesome slice of cheesecake!

...the chance of my menu looking this awesome again in the near future is pretty slim....


 I realized that I needed to adjust my daily points target (because of the fact that I am teetering on the edge of 200lbs). So I am up to 31 points daily.  Hopefully this'll come back down by next weigh-in.

I am feeling a little bit better about the whole 199.3 thing.  I've been trying to stay focused on making the best choices I can each day.  Right now I am not focusing on exercise.  I think i just need to get back to the basics of tracking consistently and staying within my points target.  


Total for the day: 49
Weekly Bonus Points Used: 18
Bonus points remaining for the week: 28

Sh*t Just Got Real

I am a tall glass of water from entering no man's land - a weight that I have never seen in my life and a weight that I refuse to allow to show up on my scale.

I want this to go away.  I feel like I am drowning in my own body. Besides this crazy number on the scale, let me clue you in on other real shi*t:

•  My clothes do not fit.  At all.  I am walking around looking like an uncomfortable sausage woman squeezed into jeans.  It is not a good look at all.
• I hardly recognize my body in the mirror.  I tend to think that I am skinnier than I actually am.  And then I see myself in the mirror and realize just how real this thing is. I am overweight like crazy. 
• I can't stop eating. 

I am at a point in my life where I need to decide whether to start this journey all over again, or just resign myself to the fact that I am just going to be overweight.

I'll keep you posted on which path I choose.

So I bought a dress.

One of my closest friends is getting married in early December and I have the honor of being one of her bridesmaids.  I have only ever been a bridesmaid once before so I am very excited to be a part of my friend's special day.  So excited in fact that I decided to buy the dress a size down from the one that actually fit me. 

I am an idiot.

I basically have three months to go from fitting snugly in the dress above, to fitting into an even smaller size!!   I am either going to pull off a miracle or I am going to ruin my friend's wedding.  :o/

Breakfast

3 egg whites

muenster cheese

whole wheat bagel thin

1 tbsp

cream cheese
8 pts

Lunch

1 cup whole wheat pasta

1/4 c classico light alfredo

mussels

shrimp

squid rings

1 tbsp grated parmesan

white cooking wine

13 pts

I forgot how to work this thing.

 I'm not sure if anyone's reading this, but I'm writing.

I feel like a failure.  Somehow, somewhere along the way I forgot how to make this whole thing work.  I stopped saying no to food, I quit tracking, and I didn't make exercise a priority.  I've basically let myself go and I am so embarrassed.

I weighed in at 190lbs today.

It's crazy how fast it feels like everything happened, but it honestly it took me a while to drag myself down this path.  A lot of late night overeating and sedentary living.  I let this drag on for months and months.  So I guess it's time to get a grip on this before it gets to a point where I give up on even trying.  I can't explain how frustrating and annoying it is to start the journey of losing weight that I've already lost.  But I have to.

Meatless Wednesday

I was supposed to get some activity in after work but honestly traffic was so annoying I got a headache and decided to skip it.  oh well.  

I am really trying not to get too down on myself about the fact that I have gained back so much of the weight that I lost.  Its frustrating and I feel like a failure every time I look in the mirror.  I just feel so sluggish and frumpy and...honestly....i feel like a slob! I am really making a conscious effort to stop the negative self talk because I know its not productive. 

I am working all this week and then I will be off from work until the third of january.  YAY!! I am really looking forward to my vacation.  I really plan on using that time to focus on getting used to staying active and eating healthy so that when I go back to work it will be second nature.  I started working in April. I remember during my first month of work I was weighing in at around 166.  That means that I have gained just about 14 lbs since I started.  Thats crazy!  I don't even have an excuse.  All I know is that since working exercise has taken the back seat and I haven't spent as much time preparing my meals like I should.  I am a work in progress. 

As far as my eating - I had a meatless day today!! It wasn't really on purpose.  After I finished lunch I realized I had not had any meat for the day and I decided what the heck.  Why not just have a meatless dinner as well?

 Breakfast

2 slices WW whole grain bread

1 egg

1 oz smoked salmon

5 pts

Lunch

Amy's Black bean tamale

1 c tofu

broccoli

14 pts

Snack

75 gold fish

5 pts

Dinner

2/3 c tofu (curried)

3/4 c white rice

1 tsp sesame oil

1/2 tsp olive oil

1/4 c soy milk

broccoli

8 pts

 I really did not want to have white rice for dinner, but my mother had a christmas party this past weekend and there were sooooo many left overs (including the white rice) that it didnt make sense for me to cook brown rice.  I didn't want to waste food..just sayin....





Total for the day: 32 Weekly Bonus Points Used: 3

My pants are tight.

Today I restarted my C25K training program.  i restarted on Week 2 Day 1 and let me tell you my legs were talking to me the whole time.  I think they were confused since they thought we quit this whole training thing last month.  I am determined to see this plan through though.

It always helps when you have a buddy - like I said in my previous post, I have a friend that I have recruited to run a 5K with me in mid-february.  She lives in Tampa so we will be training separately, but its fun having someone to check in with.  Plus she is a bit more competitive than I am so I know I will be motivated the whole time to stay on track.  I've been trying to get my boyfriend to run the race as well and he says he will.  I am not sure if he actually wants to or if he just wants to be supportive.  We'll see what happens.