I don't even cook anymore

I had a good day today.  I think I need to make more of a conscious effort to incorporate more veggies in my meals.  One challenge that I have is the fact that I am so busy at work that I rarely prepare my own meals.  I typically have breakfast, lunch, and snacks at work.  Dinner is usually something I grab on the way home.  Tonight I had pollo tropical for dinner.  It's really convenient for me and reasonable points-wise.  But I really wish I had more time to make my own meals!

Total for the day: 33
Weekly Bonus Points Used: 2
Bonus points remaining for the week: 26

She fancy.

I went over my points today, but I did not feel guilty about it at all...(well maybe a little)

I knew I'd be attending a work event in the evening, so  I had a large salad for lunch, just to prep for whatever the work event would throw at me.  I managed to avoid the bread but "splurged" on a meatball and a glass of zinfandel.  I spent the rest of my points on salad, salmon and wild rice, and an awesome slice of cheesecake!

...the chance of my menu looking this awesome again in the near future is pretty slim....


 I realized that I needed to adjust my daily points target (because of the fact that I am teetering on the edge of 200lbs). So I am up to 31 points daily.  Hopefully this'll come back down by next weigh-in.

I am feeling a little bit better about the whole 199.3 thing.  I've been trying to stay focused on making the best choices I can each day.  Right now I am not focusing on exercise.  I think i just need to get back to the basics of tracking consistently and staying within my points target.  


Total for the day: 49
Weekly Bonus Points Used: 18
Bonus points remaining for the week: 28

Sh*t Just Got Real

I am a tall glass of water from entering no man's land - a weight that I have never seen in my life and a weight that I refuse to allow to show up on my scale.

I want this to go away.  I feel like I am drowning in my own body. Besides this crazy number on the scale, let me clue you in on other real shi*t:

•  My clothes do not fit.  At all.  I am walking around looking like an uncomfortable sausage woman squeezed into jeans.  It is not a good look at all.
• I hardly recognize my body in the mirror.  I tend to think that I am skinnier than I actually am.  And then I see myself in the mirror and realize just how real this thing is. I am overweight like crazy. 
• I can't stop eating. 

I am at a point in my life where I need to decide whether to start this journey all over again, or just resign myself to the fact that I am just going to be overweight.

I'll keep you posted on which path I choose.

So I bought a dress.

One of my closest friends is getting married in early December and I have the honor of being one of her bridesmaids.  I have only ever been a bridesmaid once before so I am very excited to be a part of my friend's special day.  So excited in fact that I decided to buy the dress a size down from the one that actually fit me. 

I am an idiot.

I basically have three months to go from fitting snugly in the dress above, to fitting into an even smaller size!!   I am either going to pull off a miracle or I am going to ruin my friend's wedding.  :o/

Breakfast

3 egg whites

muenster cheese

whole wheat bagel thin

1 tbsp

cream cheese
8 pts

Lunch

1 cup whole wheat pasta

1/4 c classico light alfredo

mussels

shrimp

squid rings

1 tbsp grated parmesan

white cooking wine

13 pts

I forgot how to work this thing.

 I'm not sure if anyone's reading this, but I'm writing.

I feel like a failure.  Somehow, somewhere along the way I forgot how to make this whole thing work.  I stopped saying no to food, I quit tracking, and I didn't make exercise a priority.  I've basically let myself go and I am so embarrassed.

I weighed in at 190lbs today.

It's crazy how fast it feels like everything happened, but it honestly it took me a while to drag myself down this path.  A lot of late night overeating and sedentary living.  I let this drag on for months and months.  So I guess it's time to get a grip on this before it gets to a point where I give up on even trying.  I can't explain how frustrating and annoying it is to start the journey of losing weight that I've already lost.  But I have to.

Meatless Wednesday

I was supposed to get some activity in after work but honestly traffic was so annoying I got a headache and decided to skip it.  oh well.  

I am really trying not to get too down on myself about the fact that I have gained back so much of the weight that I lost.  Its frustrating and I feel like a failure every time I look in the mirror.  I just feel so sluggish and frumpy and...honestly....i feel like a slob! I am really making a conscious effort to stop the negative self talk because I know its not productive. 

I am working all this week and then I will be off from work until the third of january.  YAY!! I am really looking forward to my vacation.  I really plan on using that time to focus on getting used to staying active and eating healthy so that when I go back to work it will be second nature.  I started working in April. I remember during my first month of work I was weighing in at around 166.  That means that I have gained just about 14 lbs since I started.  Thats crazy!  I don't even have an excuse.  All I know is that since working exercise has taken the back seat and I haven't spent as much time preparing my meals like I should.  I am a work in progress. 

As far as my eating - I had a meatless day today!! It wasn't really on purpose.  After I finished lunch I realized I had not had any meat for the day and I decided what the heck.  Why not just have a meatless dinner as well?

 Breakfast

2 slices WW whole grain bread

1 egg

1 oz smoked salmon

5 pts

Lunch

Amy's Black bean tamale

1 c tofu

broccoli

14 pts

Snack

75 gold fish

5 pts

Dinner

2/3 c tofu (curried)

3/4 c white rice

1 tsp sesame oil

1/2 tsp olive oil

1/4 c soy milk

broccoli

8 pts

 I really did not want to have white rice for dinner, but my mother had a christmas party this past weekend and there were sooooo many left overs (including the white rice) that it didnt make sense for me to cook brown rice.  I didn't want to waste food..just sayin....





Total for the day: 32 Weekly Bonus Points Used: 3

My pants are tight.

Today I restarted my C25K training program.  i restarted on Week 2 Day 1 and let me tell you my legs were talking to me the whole time.  I think they were confused since they thought we quit this whole training thing last month.  I am determined to see this plan through though.

It always helps when you have a buddy - like I said in my previous post, I have a friend that I have recruited to run a 5K with me in mid-february.  She lives in Tampa so we will be training separately, but its fun having someone to check in with.  Plus she is a bit more competitive than I am so I know I will be motivated the whole time to stay on track.  I've been trying to get my boyfriend to run the race as well and he says he will.  I am not sure if he actually wants to or if he just wants to be supportive.  We'll see what happens. 

mish mosh of everything.

WARNING: THIS WILL BE A LONG POST....

I feel like a failure. 
For me, weight loss and healthy living is such a constant struggle.  Every time i think i have it all figured out, I hit this mental roadblock that just totally derails me and i lose my focus.  I become rebellious and pass up the fuji apple for the second slice of pumpkin pie.  I start compromising and I tell myself that a five pound gain isn't THAT serious....i can work that off in two weeks right? RIGHT? .... not really.

Those 5 pound gains really add up when the time to get my head back in the game never comes.  Next week's promise to start counting my points again turns into next month.  Or maybe the month after that.   My clothes still fit right? RIGHT? ....not really.  I would like to unbutton my pants as I type this. 

The journey from 159 to 179 lbs really happens in the blink of an eye....well at least faster than it took me to go from 179 to 159.  Weight loss shouldnt be a round trip. :(

Okay enough of the complaining/pity party. Its really time to take the reins on this and quit effing around.

The Weight Watchers program has undergone a few changes recently and it kinda feels like i'm learning how to do this all over again.  Points values for most foods have changed along with my daily target and weekly points allowance.  It's annoying that I have to look up the point values for foods I have been eating forever, but there is a certain novelty about the whole program now that makes me feel like I am having a fresh start. 
So I am back on the program and ready to eat right and focus on exercising.

I can't remember if I ever wrote about this but one of my goals has always been to become a runner...no really I am serious! I don't know why.  Maybe running to me represents the ultimate in fitness.  I am envious of those people who can just lace up their sneakers and head out for an "easy" 5 mile run. I've never been able to do that and recently I have been thinking about changing that fact.

For a few weeks last month I began following the C25k program for beginners who want to train to race in a 5K.  I really liked it and it made me feel like I was on my way to become one of those crazy people that I always see.  Day light savings time kicked in and it became too dark for me to run out doors after work.  It was really important to me to run outside rather than on a treadmill.  I feel like treadmill running isnt an accurate comparison to running outdoors and running on the treadmill isn't really that difficult for me.  So now I really want to challenge myself to follow the program and get to the point where I can run/jog 3.1 miles (5K) without stopping. 

And that is why I decided to sign up for my first 5K (GASP!!)

Yea you read correctly.  I signed up to run a 5K in mid-february.  I figured that would give me enough time to get through the training program.  Signing up kinda forces me to get out there and train for it. did i mention there was a registration fee? If for no other reason, my ass needs to train for this so that I don't feel like I flushed my money down the drain! I am kinda excited about it and I have recruited a friend to participate with me.  For the next 8 weeks I plan on including my training updates here.

Breakfast

Weight Watchers bagel

1 oz smoked salmon

1/2 weight watchers reduced fat cream cheese

6 pts

 (not pictured)

Lunch

Steamed broccoli

Amy's Indian Matar Tofu

7 pts

Snack
pineapple, kiwi, strawberries

2 large shrimp

baby carrots
55 gold goldfish (yeah i counted them!)

5 pts

 (not pictured)


Dinner

POTATO SOUP

1 large potato

2 tsp olive oil

1/2 c light soy milk

3 slices canadian bacon

leaks

red onion

1/3 c part skim mozzarella cheese

2 tbsp sour cream

13 pts

I'll insert the pictures later!

Total for the day: 31 Weekly Bonus Points Used: 2

 

Look what I can do!....

 ....I CAN track for an entire day! Who wudda thunk it..
.....and its the first day since I had my weigh in last week that I have been able to pull it off. You can clap if you want to.

It was pretty easy to do today. I was swamped at work and was too busy to think about eating for the hell of it. 

Breakfast

Boca patty

kraft ff sharp cheddar

sandwich thin

3 pts

 Lunch

Cauliflower

Quizno's Sammie -

sliced turkey

muenster cheese

lettuce, tomato, onion, olives

honey mustard

7 pts

Snack

fuji apple

strawberry cheesecake light and fit yogurt

(not pictured)

3 pts

Dinner

1 and 1/2 cup whole wheat pasta

1/2 cup marinara sauce

1/4 c part skim riccotta

1/4 c mozzarella cheese

1 tsp olive oil

1 tbsp grated parmesan

tomatoes

11 pts

Total for the day: 24 pts
Weekly Bonus Points Used: 0

Blame it on the Conch Burgers

I was so pumped to go to a meeting yesterday.  When I relate my going to a Weight Watchers meeting to an alcoholic going to AA it is not to be funny.  As embarrassed as I might be to see the damage that I have done through a number on a scale, there is a sense of relief as well because I know that I am taking the first step in getting myself back on track. 

Are you ready to see the number?
Are you?!?!?

Here goes nothing.....

YiKeS!!!
I know. its ridiculous. 
Keep in mind I just came back from a vacation in the Bahamas this past weekend.  I basically spent the entire trip face down in a conch burger. (LOL that sounds suggestive).

Thats a conch burger.  (photo grabbed from google images)
I had at least 4 of these over a four day period. With fries each and every time. Yum?

::sigh::

But like I said, I getting my ass back on track. You with me?

Trying to find my way back

Its been wild.

I will keep the story short.  I FINALLY got a job doing what I went to school for! YaY!!
Since my last weight update, I have gained AT LEAST 10 lbs!! BOOOO!!! (I will be able to provide a real number after my weigh in this week <----the first in MONTHS!!)

LoL....or Cry Out Loud, depending on who is around me at the time.

I feel out of control.  I feel like I am failing and it is really bothering me.  I feel like I have no limits at all! I just eat everything within sight at any time.  Exercise? Whats that? The only thing that I have been consistent about in the past few months has been my inconsistency.  I'll track for a few days, splurge for a week and a half. I am a mess.

So ...just wanted to put it out there for anyone who is still around that I will be blogging and tracking again.  I don't know how successful I will be at capturing pictures of meals and such since 90% of my day will be spent at work and I dont want to explain why I keep snapping pics of food lol.

Trying New Products

Is it just me, or does it seem like when you go to the supermarket and buy new products to try you have an overwhelming desire to try them all at once? Despite the fact that I have soo many dessert options in my fridge, I felt compelled to bake Black Bean Brownies today just to try them.  I have sooo many snack choices available (fruit, veggies, yogurt, etc) but now all I can think about are the stupid Jello Mousse Temptations.  Bare with me people, it might be a rough week...

Breakfast

3 egg whites

1 tsp olive oil

smoked salmon

bagel thin

1 tbsp phili whipped cream cheese

tomatoes

4.5 pts

Snack

yogurt

jello mousse temptation

3 pts

(not pictured)

Lunch

1 and 1/2 c whole wheat pasta

1/2 c pasta sauce

1 c eggplant

2 tbsp grated parmesan cheese

broccoli

7 pts

Dinner

Sweet potato

Chicken breast

1 tsp olive oil

1/4 c ketchup

8 pts

Dessert

Black bean brownie

3 pts

Total for the day: 25.5
Weekly Bonus Points Used: 2.5
Bonus points remaining for the week: 32.5

New Buys and Weigh Ins

I've been gone for a minute...but now I am back.
I don't have my laptop so I am using the home pc (which i hate...) But I gotta do what I gotta do to stay accountable right?
By the skin of my teeth I managed to have a loss this week. ... i don't know how this miracle occured since I stopped counting points on Monday, but i won't ask any questions!
LAST week I had a good solid loss so the smaller loss this week didn't really phase me.

I have this personal mini goal of reaching 155 by the end of April (my 25th bday).  That is a little less than 8 weeks away so I know that it can be done.  I know I need some sort of consistent gym schedule but......well i guess there really isn't a but except for the fact that I am lazy. LoL.

In the time between now and my last blog I have been conducting Oatmeal experiments.

EPIC FAIL.

I have come to the conclusion that regular plain quaker oats oatmeal isnt gonna cut it for me.  I can't swallow it.  My throat closes up and my stomach refuses to accept it. The only oatmeal that I actively like, is the instant flavored quaker oats (ie Maple Brown Sugar, Cinnamon Swirl, yada yada yada).  Its still oatmeal right?!? great. When I use the flavored kind and try the suggestions you guys gave me in an earlier post - YUM!! In my opinion, I have solved my oatmeal dilema. I know you are proud.

I bought a couple of things that everyone raves about.  I feel like a sheep, but so far so good!

I bought vitatops and Peanut Butter Co Dark chocolate dreams peanut butter.  The peanut butter has been going in my oatmeal.  I was never one of those kids that ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (wheres the meat?) but in oatmeal? Perfection!

I haven't tried the corn vitatops as yet and I hope they are as tastey as the chocolate, chocolate chip. One point?!?!? seriously? I will take that! My only complaint is the price.  At nearly 5 bucks a box (with four tops in each box) it is kinda ridiculous.  I only bought them because of a BOGO sale at the supermarket this week.  Oh I also bought those new Jello Mousse Temptations <- Buy this! Also only a point and it satisfies my chocolate needs. I want to try the Caramel Creme so I will pick that up next time.

Okay that's all FOR NOW.... be back with pretty pictures of pretty meals :)

I didn't fall off!

Hey Guys!

No worries! I did not just throw point counting to the wind.  I went on a little road trip to Tampa with my sister because she had to take her Bar Exam and I tagged along for moral support.  What a good sister I am!

Didn't have my laptop but even if I did the food wasnt really blogworthy.  Except for one night when I had sushi, my days mostly consisted of subway roast beef sandwiches.  You woulda hated seeing that repeatedly.  But I counted every day.  I even met up with a good friend of mine and had a really good workout.  Go Me!

Stay tuned for the today's eats, lovelies!

Total for the day:
Weekly Bonus Points Used:
Bonus points remaining for the week:

Woop Woop Weigh In Results!

 Hey Everyone!

I don't know about you guys, but personally I am SURPRISED ...(and proud) that I managed to go the entire week tracking my points.  This blog definitely helped me stay accountable this week and really pushed me to make good choices.  THANKS EVERYONE!

Rolled myself outta bed this morning and took my ass to a meeting.  I mean, I acted like it was a hassle, but I was honestly just excited to step on the scale (strange!)

And the results:

WHAT?!?!?
Down 4.6 lbs! AANNNDDD I am back (albeit barely) in the 160s!! Yup Yup.  Maybe you are not impressed because this is technically weight that I have already lost before.  So What! Foodwise I worked hard this week.  I planned, I counted, I made good choices. I can only hope and work hard enough to ensure that this is the last time I will have to lose to work myself outta the 170s.

I plan on carrying this momentum into  the next week.  And I am returning to the gym.  My cold is gone and I can no longer use that as an excuse :)

Oh wait! Almost forgot - I lost a point today.  Since I moved into a new "decade" of weight, my daily point value has decreased from 24 to 23. Yay?

Breakfast

3 egg whites

2 tbsp shredded cheese

pancake muffins

tomatoes

5 pts

Snack

pear

(not pictured)

1 pt

Lunch

1/4 cup alfredo sauce

1 and 1/2 cup whole wheat pasta

broccoli and mushrooms

7.5

Is it alright that I made a lazy dinner? Of course it is! :) I live with my parents (whip out the violins) and one of my mother's biggest pet peeves is leftover food going to waste.  . . . so i had soup that was left over from a few days ago - progresso chicken and sausage gumbo. 

Dinner

Chicken and sausage gumbo

bagelthin everything bagel

1 oz salmon

1 tbsp light cream cheese

6 pts

Dessert (as always!)

Smartones cookie dough sundae

1/2 chocolate muffin (Gina's Recipe) 

5 pts

Total for the day: 24.5
Weekly Bonus Points Used:1.5
Bonus points remaining for the week: 33.5

Gimme Oatmeal Ideas!!!.... Please:0)

Today is my last day before my next weigh in.  Psychologically, I feel compelled to eat all of my remaining weekly bonus points (THEY ARE MINE DAMMIT) but I am sure I will somehow find the strength to contain myself.


Hey you guys, please gimme your favorite oatmeal combination (and recipe if necessary).  I am starting to like it more. I mean the truth is, oatmeal is tasty if I get to put everything that I want into it.  I just struggle with spending too many points on oatmeal - so you got any hints/suggestions? I see people using things like yogurt, peanutbutter, etc and I woud love to give it a try.

Breakfast

Quaker instant oatmeal

1/2 cup Silk vanilla soy milk

1/2 banana

1/2 c strawberries

5 pts

My mom grated cabbage and carrots yesterday and just to get rid of the leftovers in the fridge, I made cole slaw.  The dressing was made with a tbsp of lite mayo, tsp of olive oil, splash of vinegar, little bit of mustard, salt, pepper, basil, and parsley...

Lunch

chicken thigh with skin and bone

cole slaw (w 1tbsp lite mayo, 1 tsp olive oil, mustard,  splash of vinegar, seasonings)

low carb wrap

tomatoes (not pictured) < --my bad!

7 pts

Snacks

yogurt

2 pts

16 wheat thins

butterbean chickpea dip

5 pts

 

Dinner

Chicken drumstick with skin

zucchini "fries" (breaded and baked)

ketchup

6 pts

Honestly, I made these zucchini fries because I REALLY wanted sweet potato fries, but it was late and they take too long to make.   So I made these instead.  Didn't like 'em.  The zucchini part was fine - i like zucchini.  But the breaded part wasn't tasty.  No thank you. 

Dessert (again!)

SmartOnes Cookie Dough Sundae

(not pictured)

3 pts

Total for the day: 28 pts
Weekly Bonus Points Used: 4 pts
Bonus points remaining for the week: 20.5